It’s the first Wednesday of the month, which means it’s time to explore what’s making me insecure as a writer. And it’s all the usual stuff. Yesterday I received three rejections, which wasn’t fun. Two last week, too. And now I’m in the middle of a massive rewrite and worried it still won’t be good enough by the time I’m finished. But that’s normal for most writers, I think. We all pour effort into our work and then worry our best still isn’t good enough. (Or are we worried it’s still somehow not our best? Hmm.)
But the thing I’m most insecure about is my latest release, The Fall and Rise of Peter Stoller. It has decent reviews on Amazon and has been bouncing up and down in the rankings there. But I usually self-publish and can see the sales numbers. Peter is my first book to be published by, well, a publisher. So I have no real idea how well it is or isn’t doing.
The publisher has told me if Peter does well enough, they’ll consider a print run. I really want that to happen; I’ve already been invited to a couple bookstores to do signings if/when I have books to sign. So not knowing how well Peter is selling is a bit frustrating. It feels like so much hinges on it! I guess I’ll have a better idea after the first quarter.
Then again, I also don’t know what counts for “well” per this particular publisher. I don’t know their metric for success.
It’s out of my hands. That’s what I need to learn to live with. All this energy should be put into my current projects. Focus. I need to focus on what I can do. It’s the difference between treading water and actually swimming. Gotta swim.
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